Contemplating breakthroughs: I guess when Ted from Ted Talks speaks of breakthroughs, he is right when he says that they come in different intensities and with a different emphasis.
How do I know this because 12 years ago when I found out I was autistic, or actually to be more precise, had a diagnosis of Non Verbal Learning Disability. I crashed and burned to such a degree that a friend recommended a Steiner retreat; and there I was gifted through a partial payment scheme, a chance to have a week there. I was offered sanctuary, where I could sleep, be in my own body rhythm, eat delicious food, walk in nature, learn to paint, move my body, express my emotions, cry in silence.
Now twelve years on I have a crisis of identity, one of those life-time crossroads, I take time to draw on those exact things, and tools in my kit bag. I apply self care at home. I sit in solitude, expressing with voice, paint or pen, or crying into my pillow, reaching out for words of comfort from the imagined and earthly realms and taking practical steps like swimming and dancing to embed a greater sense of resilience coming from giving myself the space that I need to determine my next steps.
I ask why again, having been through this journey before, and I am told by my inner wisdom, that this experience is an inner gate, to you having greater understanding about grief or loss, and to witness how brave you are to face / dive deep into those memories that re-occur; and how this pain has motivated you to take training of various kinds, which now make you,no longer a wounded healer, but a presence that can hold the other, with recognition for what comes naturally – to witness self and others.
A final image, a swing, moving with momentum in the breeze, empty, waiting for some-one to climb onto its seat, and take a moment to witness.